whole day cannot conc… supposed to hand up report by 2359.. 12pg.. onli did 4 pg then dun feel like doing le..

feels vv low.. too overwhelmed with work but ah ming nt ard to yang yang… feels v frustrated.. haiz… ah ming fast fast come bk…

thn min min start to ponder.. why ming wanna go genting? isnt it the beginning of the year where everyone chiong sales and work hard for new year? doesnt ming has work on yr hands? shudnt work come first? why is work sacrificed in place of a trip? wat motivates or urge ming to go genting?

thn i begin to think.. wat can u do in genting? 3 hours of gambling everyday? you cant be goin to the theme park coz u told me before u dun like to go. ya u did watch movie.. but… how long can a movie last? wat other things are u doing?

peng say.. go gambling 90% lose de.. and 100% u will go gamble.. if u gamble 3 hours everyday.. it wouldnt be possible tt u only lose SGD$50… did u tell me the truth in the past u went genting tt u onli lose $50?

i ask peng.. why did u go genting with yr papa n mama? he say.. coz all of u like the casino… i was shocked.. can u tell me this isnt true?

why must pei papa n mama go genting? is it better that they go themselves but u stay in sg to strive for yr career? i think they wont blame u for tt.. is it really becoz u love the casino too ?

ming.. tell me honestly.. how much u lost? wat did u do at genting…  i wan know the truth…

instead of writing 3 days without ming, i chose to think positively coz ming is goin to be home tml.

tdy felt v happy coz after the soka campus discussion. coz i felt like recharged with energy, drive, courage and motivation to face all obstacles and challenges ahead of me.

instead of thinking wah smif so tough, tdy i kept telling myself.. no .. smif work is fun.. i wanna do fast.. i wanna show the rest i can do it

so happy.. feels that my spirit is recharged.. cant wait for dear to be home tml..

hugz hugz..

but after tt when i reached home and start to do work.. i started to be very sad.. seems like alot of work to do. finance reading. corp rep reading. corp rep hmwrk. chinastudies readings.smif work.. i have update and initiation to do.. n i have to clear the update readings by tonite.. and i have yet to do my cover letter and resume.. there are so many things that i need to do but seem to be unable to find time to do.. v stress… think tonite will try to slp late so tt can clear work..

tdy alot of things happen… sat we were buying supper for my papa.. thn mama asked me who paid? thn i say me lo.. then she v unhappy.. say why u nv pay, this little gesture also dunno hw to do.. thn i told her now times are different ma.. it is no longer a common practice to pay for the ger’s parent’s food or smth… but she insist u r stingy… but i tried to explain le.. haiz.. upset.. she still ask me” ger ah, u really like ah ming huh” my god i v scared she break us up sob sob… thn dunno y she say, why everytime she make something for u or your family, you never say nice or not nice after eating de. then she gave me a whole list of examples: when she made mooncake for u, when she made black rice porridge for u last wk.. then she suddenly ask me.. wat did u gave us during new year last yr? she just kept askin this n tt.. thn finally she concluded…

 反正好吃不好吃它不会自己讲，还要你问他。反正他都不会欣赏。haiz…  i dunno why mama suddenly turn to have a bad impression of u.. kept saying yr temper is bad, u stingy, u dunno hw to say nice things when pple give u stuff, say u dunnoe 人情世故。。she say until min min v sad and lost… thn she even say.. why ah ming no need to work meh? can find time to go genting with yr parents? 如果他不烂赌，为什么三天两头就上云顶？云顶这么好玩吗？有时间不做工上什么云顶，又不是说他做到大老板了？我跟你讲，会赌的男人没有用的！！

min min also not perfect ma so i dun see other pple’s fault too .. dunno why mama kept emphasizing on yr bad pts but nv think abt yr good pts… min min feels tt ming loves me lots ah .. just dun like ming to gamble in genting only…

so many things happen tdy.. i felt like crying le la… haiz… da yi ma coming too.. so whole body hot hot hot…

come bk quickly dear… min min wan ming back

had a v bad and weird dream this morning… i dreamt tt i was trapped in this tower.. and the tower has many other people trapped too. like some terrorist attack liddat. that the building is so sturdy no matter how much we hit the walls, they wont break so we are terribly trapped. then finally some huge flying bee came to save us.. but the tower started to shake , like earthquake, thn the people trapped are filled with wet cement and smelly water.. then everyone started puking including myself.. so ke pa dream…

irritating drilling has just started…

min min tdy kept doing work on smif.. but forgot to check internet for homework! in the end… alot of homework posted online.. feels even more sad sad la…. laogong nt with me.. things nt done…smif work killing n sucking all my life tdy… do so long still cannot complete… angry…

wonder wat is deary doing now.. min min misses deary so much… so lonely here in sg without deary.. deary come bk fast fast…. sob sob.. wanna cry cry le…

sob sob sob..

I unhappy with why u keep telling me that yr boss ask u to ask referrals from me.. yes u nv ask me directly… but yr msg is loaded. U are subtly asking me to give it to u.. When I say I have my values that’s why I dun wan to give u.. then u start to question my values.. u ask me is my values correct or not.. then when I defend.. u angry and said that u r a loser in this industry.. u r a failure in this industry… u r indirectly adding pressure to me to give u my contacts… u kept saying tt “if I cant convince my own gf, then how am I going to convince my client..” Yr msg is loaded with other subtle msg u wan me to receive but u already know what u wan me to do is going against my wishes…

u said tt u will respect me for my wishes but then why are u still subtly trying to ask me to give u referrals..

U already know tt I dun wan to give u my contacts very very long ago.. and that’s why  we quarrel before.. but u r still bringing it up..

cant help feeling the age gap between us too… we are like in 2 different world.. u n yr career n me with me studies.. like sometime too different to click…

i get frustrated sometimes when i really understand wats the purpose behind what you do.. or is it just frustration coz u treat them like yr family n u r over-protective over them tt sometimes u also forget how i feel?

wont the differences get more distince?